Business Funnies

Wrong email address

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Mouthology

A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor: “Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology? The sailor said no to all his questions. Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy. After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology? The professor said no. Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

Church Shenanigans

By René van Zyl (Writer, playwright, blogger)

(Shenanigans meaning: Silly or high-spirited behaviour, sometimes even mischievous) In these articles I will use fake names to protect everyone’s privacy, like the name of the church: Koinonia Church. My first story is sad but true and shenanigans did unfortunately happen.

A few years ago, after a young man, not a church member, had committed suicide by drinking an overdose of pills, a funeral had been arranged. Let’s call the church, Koinonia Church. The reverend could not conduct the funeral himself and asked his young, newly appointed colleague to handle the ceremony. The young reverend, Steve, was in a state of shock.

He had never done a funeral service before and even with extensive preparation and his vast knowledge of PowerPoint and Windows, he was in a state of fear that something might go wrong. The morning of the funeral, that was set for 11 o’clock, he was on the pulpit at ten, checking everything, going over the sermon again and again. The elderly church secretary, Glennie, had everything else under control.

The tables were set, snacks, coffee and tea, ready to be served. Then by 10.30 the funeral home called and said they can’t release the body as payments were due. The mother and father were divorced and no-one wanted to pay for the funeral. After some phone calls, Glennie, convinced the mother to pay. By eleven o’clock there was still no funeral guests. The hearse arrived on time, with a speed not common to its nature, causing the coffin to swerve a bit too much. The driver got out, asked Glennie to help him unload the casket as there was no-one else around. Steve was of no use. He was freaking out on the pulpit because his computer wasn’t working. So, Glennie (did I say she was 60 years old?) good-naturedly helped. Sad to say, the casket, after being rocked around in the haste from Brits to Hartbeespoort wasn’t locked securely anymore.

When Glennie, trying her best to heave the heavy wooden box from the car, folded under the weight, so did the casket. It fell to the side, opened up and spewed out the body. Luckily this wasn’t Glennie’s first funeral. When the dreary driver got the casket back in position Glennie helped him ever so gracefully to reposition the body to its previous peaceful state. No harm done. Minutes later the whole family arrived, agitated and irritated, not aware of the shenanigans that had just happened. “All in a day’s work,” said Glennie, drinking a nice cup of sweet tea. “Maybe I want a peaceful sky burial, you know, like the Himalayan people? Up there on the Magalies at the vulture restaurant and have the birds eating away at my body. None of these funeral fees and family feuds.”