A time to go within…

I am not here to talk about women this time. I am here to talk about all of us. Fast forward to the pandemic, which we can all attest has changed the world tremendously. It would be interesting to see how many people went in and came out the same because, in a lot of ways we were forced to introspect – to come face to face with ourselves, to go deeper into who we really are.

In the hustle and bustle of life where we have been typically preoccupied with showing up for work, showing up for our families, friends and loved ones – how many times have we remembered to show up for ourselves? On a macro-level, the imposed lockdowns were put in place to protect lives, as a primary priority. Have you considered what going within or doing shadow work on a personal level does for the soul? Well, it is quite simple – going within offers protection for the soul that the external world cannot. It serves as a sanctuary, a microscopic view into one’s own soul which ultimately should allow the soul to grow and flourish.

What many of us don’t realise is that the lockdown period was an important period for spiritual growth. While many lamented being unable to congregate and gather, the lessons were being handed down. Firstly, we were being pulled from life as we knew it, pulled from old and familiar habits. The onslaught of pain and discomfort on the physical body was real for everyone and the constant loss of life around us normalised grief, almost desensitising us to it. Secondly, we were being reminded that the most important relationship is with self, if we found it difficult to be in our own company, surely we don’t like ourselves much?

I have always been a loner, however, my varsity days saw me form friendships that would last years. That was also a pretty reckless period of my life. Owning up to – and learning from the mistakes I made during that time took a long time. To be quite honest, I spent many years shifting blame and justifying my actions. It was clear because the patterns in my relationships were the same, I was still a walk-over, and letting friendships that should have been long gone continue. I was being the good person I believe I have always been, for other people – and it came at a huge cost to myself. You see, that is the problem; the mere belief that one is a good person only because they are expendable and user-friendly to the world.

For me, change came knocking when I realised, I could still be my authentic and good self and keep firm boundaries. At the core of that was learning self-care, listening to my intuition, and saying NO to many things. Embarking on a journey of constantly choosing myself has been the best gift I could have given myself. It may have come years later than I would have liked, but this is a reminder that the universe doesn’t subscribe to our timing and human wants, divine timing is perfect and all we’re asked to do is to trust the process and be a lot kinder to ourselves.

By Gomotsegang Motswatswe