{"id":2325,"date":"2021-08-15T06:43:46","date_gmt":"2021-08-15T04:43:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/?p=2325"},"modified":"2021-08-15T06:43:51","modified_gmt":"2021-08-15T04:43:51","slug":"church-shenanigans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/articles\/church-shenanigans\/","title":{"rendered":"Church Shenanigans"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinness, god got tired of creating the world, so he took the sabbath off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Sampson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10. The seventh commandment is thouing shalt not admit adultery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the magna carta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

23. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments of The Bible. These are their responses; they have not been retouched or corrected. Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":2327,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2325","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","category-schoolscharity"],"featured_image_urls":{"full":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2.jpg",1200,1200,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2-300x300.jpg",300,300,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2-768x768.jpg",640,640,true],"large":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2-1024x1024.jpg",640,640,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2.jpg",1200,1200,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2.jpg",1200,1200,false],"magazine-7-slider-full":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2-1200x1020.jpg",1200,1020,true],"magazine-7-slider-center":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2-936x897.jpg",936,897,true],"magazine-7-featured":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2-1024x1024.jpg",1024,1024,true],"magazine-7-medium":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2-720x380.jpg",720,380,true],"magazine-7-medium-square":["https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/file-20210613-72954-85okq2-675x450.jpg",675,450,true]},"author_info":{"info":["Rene van Zyl"]},"category_info":"Articles & Advertisers<\/a> Schools and Charity<\/a>","tag_info":"Schools and Charity","comment_count":"0","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2325","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2325"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2325\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2329,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2325\/revisions\/2329"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2327"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2325"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2325"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.thelife.digital\/tl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2325"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}